Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

How many girls or guys keep extra pantyhose in their glove box or console of their vehicle?

I can read

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

What are some great short jokes?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

What are some hard rock or heavy metal bands that are overrated?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I see through liars

What happens if a parent refuses to let their child be transgender? What happens if the parent tries their hardest not to allow their child to be trans, like flushing every bottle of their trans child's HRT down the toilet?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

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I can count

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

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I have a reading level above third grade

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t cotton to rapists

Were you ever in love with your teacher?

I actually pay taxes

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Have you experimented with bestiality?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I don’t buy bullshit

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand how hurricane paths work

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones